marmalade dreaming

Sunday, October 16, 2005

i'm back, i'm 21, and i can legally go out to a club and get wasted in america. you know it.

feel like i've been on tour today. wollongong, kingsford, surry hills, hornsby, wahroonga, belrose, wahroonga, ryde, newtown, wahroonga. it's a tough life on the road...but i had radiohead's 'the bends' as the soundtrack for a lot of it so i can't complain. one of my favourite albums ever i think.

my childhood dream of running away to join the circus was partially fulfilled this weekend. i went to a flying trapeze class! it was super...so much fun and adrenaline and weightlessness and heaviness and trusting and climbing and swinging and bouncing and hanging and backflipping and flying and letting go...wow. every time i got to the top of the ladder and stepped over onto the tiny platform i'd freak out all over again - the bar was so heavy and my arms felt so weak and my hands were so sore by the end of it - but i was on such a rush that i just kept going back up for more. and it was just so FUN! we got taught about the importance of timing and how to move your body properly on the bar, and also got taught how to backflip off the bar down onto the safety net, which was wild! the sensation of flying through the air was incredible, going back and forth on the biggest, highest swing you've ever been on. the first drop as you jumped off the platform was great, feeling so free and out of control and hoping your hands don't give way, then at the end of the first swing having to quickly get your legs up over the bar, then on the next swing letting your hands go...and then you're swinging just hanging by your knees with your arms stretched out towards the ground and your back arched, waiting for the call to "let go!" and trusting that the guy swinging on the other bar was going to catch you when you straightened your legs...MAN!! i'm sure there's a sermon illustration in there somewhere...something about trust and letting go...who knows...i'll leave that to my dad.

i have this stupid, pointless hang-up about a certain shop. i hate it with unreasonable passion. so imagine my horror when there was something in there i needed to buy (for someone else, i might add), and then double that horror when the girl behind the counter presented me with the most conspicuously labelled, ridiculously bright carry bag in which my purchase had been put in. i could have just declined the bag, but it all happened so fast...and i was so overcome with mortification that i couldn't think properly. i folded up the bag as best i could and tried to conceal it amongst my other things, though it didn't work very well. it's just funny now to think how embarrassed i was about it. it's really not that big a deal - i don't think anybody would have actually noticed and i'm quite sure nobody would have actually cared, and besides, it's such a silly thing to be hung-up about in the first place...but somehow at the time i found it necessary to be a drama queen about it. go figure.

dancing is fun, but i'm finding more and more than i don't find performing half as fun as choreographing. weird? or just me?

"suck...suck your teenage thumb" - radiohead




Friday, September 23, 2005

just tried 'fat free light soy milk' on my cereal, and i have a sneaking suspicion that water would have been more tasty.

"and can these dreams you can't imagine...will never match the vision...that you had decided for me" - the white stripes

Saturday, September 17, 2005

i can't beleive it's nearly blackstump time again. this year has gone all sorts of places.

in other news, i finally made it to rozelle markets last week. lots of treasures were bought. the cherry on top was probably the polaroid camera i got for $10 (and it even works!), which i thought warranted a celebration picnic in a park at balmain. it was swell...munching on a greek salad in the sunshine looking over the water and excitedly going through all the fun things i'd just bought and wondering what i'd take my first photo of.

at work they were going to throw out these four cute little wooden chairs (and i mean little - they're for pre-schoolers) because one was a bit broken and they were buying a new set. isn't that just insane? they now have a temporary home on our verandah, and i can't wait to pretty them up. does life get more exciting than redecorating old furniture?

i think it would be funny if you gave somebody a brick for their birthday and said it was a paperweight.

"i may take a holiday in spain...leave my wings behind me...drive this little girl insane...and fly away to somewhere new" - counting crows

here we are again. well, here i am again. although, since you're reading this i suppose i can say 'we'. but don't think for a second that it actually matters.

this is how i see it: a really good cake. this cake is fantastic, it's a beautiful thing to enjoy and you can see how yum it is ('yum' is a super word...think about it), but there are flies buzzing all around it (do flies buzz?). they're everywhere - hovering over the cake, on the cake, climbing up the sides of the cake...getting stuck in the icing etc...generally being a nuisance and preventing enjoyment of the cake. now imagine the cake is joy and the flies are nerves, and that's how i feel about dancing.

some songs feel like home. and it doesn't even have to be your own home. sometimes you hear a song that actually sounds like someone else will think it feels like home. does that make sense?

some things that make my job unique:
- singing the alphabet at least once a day
- using phrases like "marcus, stop biting the door please"
- coming home with paint in your hair, glue on your jeans, various food scraps on your top and sand absolutely everywhere
- using phrases like "no marcus, annabella is not a trampoline"
- being groped by the occasional four-year old who hasn't yet learnt about personal space
- using phrases like "marcus, you need to stop putting your head in the bin"
- getting excited over a new christmas song by the wiggles
- using phrases like "marcus, you need to stop putting annabella's head in the bin"

i should probably clarify...my job involves more than the above. it would be nice if it didn't. but it's not all fun and games and sand and wiggles...on the contrary, it's the most exhausting and challenging job i've ever had. but i like it :)

it might be time for a tea...

i like candles. and cole porter.

"in olden days a glimpse of stocking...was looked on as something shocking...but now, god knows...anything goes" - a classic from the man himself

Monday, July 18, 2005

today has been so sleepy. took the day off work as i was feeling pretty terrible this morning, and have literally been snoozing on and off since 7am. i'm praying it's not the return of glandular fever. not really in the mood.

annoying: wanting to study something, but getting scared because i don't know how to do that thing, which is silly because that's the whole point of studying it. grrr.

'overthrow me, and bend your force, to break, blow, burn and make me new...but i am betrothed unto your enemy - divorce me, untie or break that knot again, take me to you, imprison me...for i, unless you enthrall me, never shall be free' - from a poem on the wall in dad's study. i like being in dad's study. it's a beautiful blend of familiarity with the surroundings (various photos, furniture, model planes, leunig and far side cartoons etc) and of infinite potential, that i think comes from all the books. so many words, ideas, advice, wisdom, prayers, essays, meditations, commentaries, reflections, challenges...all these tools that can God can use to change people. i always get inspired in here. and there's been more than a few theological discussions in here too, with dad. i'm usually left feeling both small and brave. small because there's so much i don't understand, and a lot i never will. but brave because in realising just how huge, complex, and incredible God is, knowing that he's looking after me is so inspiring. a friend made a comment the other day about how church leaders are always getting excited about new books, so they go and buy them, read a couple of chapters but never get around to finishing them, which is why pastors always have enormous amounts of intelligent looking books in their offices. i just asked my dad if that's true. he grinned.

"step outside the life you know...make a choice or leave me here...hang on to what we have made...you'll only find me waiting for you" - heard that a while ago