marmalade dreaming

Sunday, August 31, 2003

just had some cheesecake. that's one of those foods i can't decide whether i like or not. i think i like it. i don't know how they make it ('they' being the people who work in the cheesecake factory). does it have cheese in it? cream cheese? i don't know. it's funny though; if i was an alien and had just been introduced to a variety of western foods, i don't think i'd imagine that 'cheese' and 'cake' would be in the same sentence, let alone the same dessert dish. weird.

seeing people really get into something is awesome. when you can see them really enjoying it, really loving it. for example, you see a band perform and their faces just give away the fact that they're having such a good time playing. even if the thing they're getting into doesn't particularly float your boat, it's so cool seeing them love it. unless of course it's something not cricket, like ritual sacrifices or throwing fruit at people. then it would be tragic seeing them enjoying themselves, and you'd want them to stop.

"i'll try and find the floor below to stand...and i hope i reach it once again" - lee alexander/norah jones

Thursday, August 28, 2003

realised i've never actually sat down and listened to anything by jack johnson. that has to change. been listening to a lot of 60's stuff lately. it's amazing comparing the lyrics from a lot of those songs to a lot of the songs that are around now. on this double 60's cd, the vast majority are all quite positive - the fun side of being in love, the hopefullness of better times, the sincere appreciation of another person, telling a happy story etc. the love thing is the most distinctive. theyr'e all so nice. it's all lovey-dovey, cutesy-wootesy, sugar-sugar-honey-honey-candy-girl. there's not as much of that now. well maybe there is, but it's not as mainstream as it used to be. a lot of songs these days are much more about the more difficult side of being in love, the hopelessness about life or a situation, the sincere dislike of another person, telling a tragic story etc. i'm really generalising here, i know. anyway. just a thought.

had a sudden thought today that i should be studying education or early childhood or something like that. not sure where it came from. but i don't want to be a teacher. i'm not nearly organised enough to be a teacher. i'm not sure i want to be responsible for a child's educational development. but having some qualification in that sort if area would be useful, especially if i wanted to travel, which i surely do. hmmm.

life can be such a distraction can't it?

"if i've gone overboard...then i'm begging you to forgive me in my haste" - dave matthews band. oooh yes we've done that...

Tuesday, August 26, 2003

there was a possum in one of the lecture theatres today. teehee. silly possum.

there is soooo much of the old testament that i don't understand. and sometimes that's ok, but sometimes it just bugs me.

i saw 'an american in paris' for the first time. LOVED it. the storyline is hardly in existence, there's an entire dance scene near the end that goes for too long (and i can usually put up with a lot of dancing), and some of the acting makes me feel physically sick, but there's so much that's dandy about it that all those naff things can be forgotten. it's in the 50's, it's set in france, it's got gene kelly in it, it's full of singing and tap-dancing, gershwin's music is fabulous......oh it's just beautiful.

"somewhere deep inside...something's got a hold on you...and it's pushing me aside" - crowded house

Friday, August 22, 2003

peak hour traffic actually doesn't bother me. unless of course i'm running late for something. but otherwise i'm quite content to move at 2km an hour, listening to good music and singing along when i'm in the mood. it's dandy. plus, if i'm driving home from the south, i usually get to see the mighty fine beginnings of a sunset. it's always brilliant. god's good like that :)

"if i could throw this lifeless lifeline to the wind...leave this heart of clay...see you walk...walk away...into the night...and through the rain...into the half-light...and through the flame" - u2

Thursday, August 21, 2003

chemistry is the strangest thing.

my mum found this hilarious book that's all about "country household hints". my sister and i were taking the mickey out of it last night. it has things like, "Before discarding cereal or soap packets, cut out all the large letters. Keep as an educational word-making pastime for children."

i love ugg boots. what kind of a word is "ugg"? what's an "ugg"? is that even how it's spelt?

the other day as i was meandering my way through grace brothers, i passed a couple of men ('couple' as in 2, not 'couple' as in romantically attached...although they may have been...who knows) who were at one of the sales counters. they were a bit annoyed, and were saying something to the assistant like, "where's the jackets? where do you keep the jackets? we can't find them anywhere". and then the assistant would say, "oh, the jackets, they're-" and then the men would say, "yes, we can't find the jackets anywhere. could you tell us where they are, because we can't find them". i thought it was so funny. though i guess you had to be there to share the moment and all it's hilarity. i just thought it was amusing how they had to keep telling the poor assistant that they couldn't find the jackets. we can't find the jackets. of course you can't find the jackets. you wouldn't be asking where the jackets were if you HAD found the jackets. it's just not necessary to say those sorts of things. oh it was funny. however, what i am NOT saying is that all we should ever say should be necessary. i mean, some (a lot?) things aren't necessary at all, but the world is so much nicer because they are said. and things blog, for instance, especially this particular paragraph, isn't necessary in the slightest, but you're sitting there reading it, thus i am providing an original procrastination activity. come to think of it, maybe there's heaps more things that AREN'T necessary to say than there are things that ARE necessary to say. hmmm. let's all think about that one.

"i never liked chemistry...the elements disagree with give and take and soon you make atomic mess out of nothing"

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

christianity isn't about being perfect. it's about realising that we're not perfect, recognising that god is perfect, and embracing the fact that we can have a relationship with him anyway.

"what part of our history's re-invented and under rug swept?" - alanis morrisette

Monday, August 18, 2003

'down with love' is out. i'm deeply saddened by the fact that it's not the 1940s/1950s thing i thought it was. it turned out to be a 1960s thing. early 1960s mind you, (as in i wouldn't automatically think 'shagadelic yeah baby' like other 60's things), but it just doesn't have the same appeal to me anymore. i'm actually quite upset. i had this whole idealistic picture of what the experience was going to be. i was all pumped up for a flick from one of the eras that i have such a soft spot for. and it was all in vain. it's all lies. how could it do this. i don't understand. i'm shocked.

but in saying all that, i still want to see it. i have to now. i'm too emotionally involved now to just turn around and forget about it.

ewan mcgregor isn't bad either.

"life is a photograph...taken from my childhood" - from 'by jeeves'

isn't it a beautiful day? don't let it get away.

changed my mind about what i wrote the other day. i'm not sorry for all these 3-liners. there's a time to cry, a time to laugh, a time to not write much. and it's just one of those times. been thinking a lot lately, but not so much the kind of thoughts that are easily transcribed. it's all a bit messy.

'nessun dorma' by puccini absolutely rocks. i'm generally not an opera fan, but this is one of those songs where it can all be forgiven. the last minute or so is the best. it's so moving. it actually makes me cry. the sad thing is, that the song has actually been used on tv ads and the like (you'd recognise it), and because it's been commercialised like that, you really have to block any memory of it out of your mind before you listen to it. that way you just hear the song and how amazing it is. go listen to it. pavarotti's version is my favourite, but carreras does a nice one too.

"you pray for rain...but you don't want it from a storm" - adam cohen

Wednesday, August 13, 2003

'daydream beleiver' by the monkees (not to be confused with 'i'm a beleiver' by the same band) is one of those songs that is so cheerful that it doesn't matter if nobody understands the lyrics or not. it's just so happy. i love it.

sorry about all these 3-liners. i'll get my act together soon and write something substantial. till then, enjoy the unrelated ephemera of it all. (didn't that sound impressive!! i hope it made sense.)

esther. mafia. hmmm.

" they say goldfish have no memory...i guess their lives are much like mine...and the little plastic castle is a surprise every time" - ani difranco

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

i beleive it was a SHORT-SLEEVES day today!!

saw the vague-pommie-coldplay-musician-whatever-funky-phd guy again.

"in a shack as remote as a escape into a place were nothing moves" - crowded house

Monday, August 11, 2003

my moods actually amaze me. i don't understand how i can be perfectly cheerful and content one minute and then strangely bitter the next. it's weird, man. like, totally. like, freak me out. like, peace.

"there's always a siren singing you to shipwreck" - radiohead

Friday, August 08, 2003

it's possible that i was approached by a cult member at the station the other day. isn't that adventurous. we can't be certain, but after telling my dad about the man that came up and chatted to me about the bible i was reading (yes, i'm a dag), and then chatted to me about other certain things, we think it's quite probable that he was from a certain group. i'm not going to name them (it wasn't j.w's though), so i don't get in too much trouble, but basically his ideas were that his 'church' were the only real christians, and that all other denominations (such as baptists, anglicans etc) weren't actually saved...and he had this slight obsession with this other strange theory on salvation. he gave me a leaflet and told me i should look into it. he wasn't pushy or anything though - he was quite nice about it. i just disagreed with him. and told him so, nicely. but the whole thing was quite dodgy. as i said, it's not certain that he was from the cult, but it's probable. and in that case, i'm glad he came up to me rather than somebody who didn't know God. anyway. God knows his heart, i don't. so i'll be quiet.

great shakespeare quote: "By heaven, I do love, and it hath taught me to rhyme and to be melancholy." (from Love's Labour's Lost)

one of my tutors makes me laugh. it's not that he's funny, although he might be, but i don't know that yet. he makes me laugh because he's just got this whole vague-pommie-coldplay-musician-whatever-funky-phd thing happening, and it's hilarious. trust me.

"let the world turn without you tonight" - from 'everythings' alright' by andrew lloyd-webber & tim rice

Tuesday, August 05, 2003

this afternoon as i was commuting home on a city rail train, i got in trouble for having my feet on my seat by a policeman. it was kind of exciting - that kind of thing doesn't seem to happen very often. i suppose it wouldn't have been so exciting if i'd got into serious trouble, like if he fined me or asked me to leave the train while it was still moving, but seeing as he just came up and stood next to me (i'm not sure for how long...i had headphones on and was off in the land of dave matthews), and gave my feet a disapproving look, then gave me the same look, then a little gesture, then i said "sorry" (probably really loudly, coz of the headphones) rather hastily and resumed sitting like a normal person. then he walked off, probably to repeat the procedure a number of times to more unsuspecting cross-legged souls like myself.

come to think of it, my day was full of slightly awkward moments like that. on the bus earlier i noticed a girl i sort of knew, but not very well. i was standing coz the bus was so full, and she was sitting just next to me. i said "hi" and all that, and we managed about a minute of polite but mundane conversation until the bus started moving. then it was one of those situations where you're like ' i say more? do i ask more? would that be rude? would not saying more be rude? does she think i don't want to talk to her? does she not want to talk to me? do either of us actually feel like talking?' etc etc. and the thing is, because you hardly know each other, it can be impossible to tell what they're thinking. with good friends, you can get to 'read' them in some ways. but people like this, who you hardly know but you know a little bit - aside from some intuition and common sense, it's anybody's guess. so that was awkward too. in case you're interested, we didn't continue conversation after all. we just travelled along in silence; the only thing resembling interaction being where i had to grab the pole right in front of her when we were going round a corner, otherwise i would've ended up in her lap. that would have been very awkward. then again, landing in someone else's lap would probably have been even more awkward.

i was really smart today and forgot to bring a pen to uni. so that resulted in a couple more encounters that weren't quite comfortable. although, having to ask complete strangers if you can borrow a pen is one of those funny things that can seem so scary and 'oh my goodness me', but then once you do it, it's like 'hey, i can do this. i'm never bringing my own pen ever ever again!'. i think maybe it's more that i feel awkward for the other person. like, i worry that they might be really shy or nervous or penless or something, and that by my asking, they might get embarrassed or scared for some reason. and i don't say that to make me sound all brave and extroverted. i'm not. although, i do like talking to strangers in general. well, i might not go out of my way to do it, but i don't mind it a bit. then again - today i did go out of my way to do just that, and if i hadn't, then i wouldn't have made the 2 friends i made. carolyn and mark. lovely people. so, in think i forgot my point somewhere in there. sorry.

another inncident (more! i know. i can just feel your excitement) was when i was sitting in a lecture trying to work out when to make a break for the bathroom. this particular lecture is held in a large classroom rather than a theatre, and since there's only one door, it's impossible to sneak in or out without being absolutely conspicuous. everyone turns to look at you. i'm serious. EVERYONE. even i do. anyway, as we were watching this insanely futile yet mildly entertaining video on who knows what, i decided that i would sneak out to the bathroom right towards to end, so that i could come back in (which is sooo much worse that going out as you have to face all the spectators) during the post-video fidget. (the post-video fidget - or P.V.F. - for those who don't know, is that minute or two after watching a video in a class-like setting where everybody fidgets and rearranges and stretches and comments on how shocking the video was) it would be so much easier to sneak in during that. i should add that my lecturer was another factor in all of this. she seems lovely, but i'm not quite sure of her yet; she also seems the type who might not appreciate people sneaking in and out of her classroom. anyway, so the fun of it was trying to predict where the almost-ending of the video would be, so that my nifty plan might work. the lecturer had obviously seen this video a hundred times before, and was sitting on a desk at the side while it was on. occassionally she'd half get-up, or look as if she was about to half get-up, and so each time i was in a state of 'oh no, it's about to end, i won't make it back in time for the post-video fidget, woe is me'. eventually i just made a run for it and hoped for the best. and you know what? once again i find myself at a loss as to what my original point was going to be. how awkward. i guess it's just one of those days.

"i'm just trying to find...a decent melody...i song that i can my own company" - u2

Friday, August 01, 2003

i found a tissue box that was worth commenting on. it's got pictures of pleasant things like teddy bears and old sneakers and hair pins on it, all in this warm, slightly blurred lighting that makes it look all familiar and nostalgic. then it's got words in this handwriting-ish font, saying "it's amazing how fast they grow up...right before your very eyes...". come ON!? they're tissues for flip's sake!! something that somebody will probably blow their nose on has been packaged in box which has this whole hallmark/kodak moment/mastercard priceless vibe going. i think it's a bit much. but maybe that's just me.

i probably should also comment on my post the other day about worrying about the future. just wanted to stress the word "sometimes" that was at the beginning of that whole blog!! it's not something that's consuming me, or even greatly upsetting me or anything. it's just something that i sometimes stress out about. like everybody does. on the flip side, i'm actually quite excited that i have no idea what might be in store! a slightly tacky way of putting it: even if i've got no sight of the future, even though at times it feels like there's no light guiding the way, i'm happy as long as God's holding my hand in the dark. awwww!!! so yes, in a way i'm worried about the future, but there's far more important things to worry about in the meantime ;)

"and i wish i, wish i knew the right make you feel better, walk out of this place" - the whitlams