marmalade dreaming

Sunday, December 28, 2003

another thought on 'the return of the king' - obviously and understandably everybody will be comparing this movie with the previous two. but i'm not sure i can do that. i mean each part has it's ups and downs and highlights and lowlights...but it's really just one big adventure that we happen to have seen in bits. none of the bits get by without the other two.

"i don't want to see a thousand mirrors...i just want to see your face"

this week has flown by, as weeks tend to do. church and farewell and work and more farewell and beach and present wrapping and new computer and christmas eve and more church and christmas day and even more church and friends over and present opening and more beach and boxing day and family and movie and shopping and dvd. somewhere in there my sister got engaged too, which is very special and exciting. (and who gets to be a bridesmaid? i do! ...... - ha!! "i do"...oh dear)

christmas was good after all. i shouldn't have been so negative about it. i got to hear the same sermon twice, and learnt something new about my dad each time. a couple of mum's work friends popped in for coffee (as in, for a chat and light snacks...it was waaaay too hot for coffee...damn good aussie christmas weather). when my parent's have friends around, i usually end up scampering off to my room or the computer after some hello's and friendly conversation. but this time i stayed in with them the entire time. they were lovely people who i hadn't met before, and i actually really enjoyed spending the time with them. i think my parents were surprised that i not only stayed, and not only listened attentively, but that i actually joined in with the talking as well. i'm just full of surprises. they left, and soon after my sister and her new fiance arrived (they had been at his house, which is only about four hours away). we had a quick present-opening ceremony, then i rushed off to the beach with some friends for a fun, social, jolly christmas night complete with swimming and food-throwing.

boxing day came next (as it usually does). numbers have been dwindling at this annual tradition for the past few years, for mostly understandable reasons, and this year it was down to 10. but it was surprisingly good fun. there were so many laughs, it was great. we watched some hilarious home videos; one of my aunt & uncle's recent trip to outback queensland to see my cousin (i won't bother explaining why, but it was so damn funny. had me in sticthes), and then some old ones of the boxing day gatherings of years gone by. man i was annoying when i was younger. i'm sure i'm still annoying in lots of ways (sorry), but hopefully not in the same way i was when i was 7. being the youngest cousin, there's also all this hilarious footage of me being the last one to climb a wall, or the last one to jump in, or sometimes not being able to follow the others at all. a bit sad in a way, but hilarious all the same. as were my teeth. man they were bad. i looked like a...um...weird toothy creature. but enough about my childhood. the relatives left mid-afternoon, and then i joined some friends up the road who were watching the extended version of 'the two towers'. i didn't actually know many of these 'friends', but it was nice all the same. then it was off to the city to view the much-anticipated final installment of the epic adventure. the king did indeed return, in damn good form i might add - i really really liked it. not that i expected otherwise. twas beautiful. i'm seeing it again with my dad soon. watching the last one made me appreciate the other 2 heaps more as well; the whole thing is just such a fantastic story.

tonight got to look at lots of photos from a friend's recent time overseas. i'm so keen to go to europe. must travel. must see outside this tiny pocket of the world. it's curiosity, or a travel bug (or can you only catch that once you've travelled? maybe i caught it off my dad, even though it's been a while, or maybe from the half of my friends who've been overseas in the past year), or itchy feet, or whatever you want to call it. 'itchy feet' is an odd phrase. i know it refers to wanting to go travelling, but if you think practically, if your feet were itchy, the last thing you'd want would be to sit on a plane for 12 hours. hmm. i'd half-planned to go overseas this year, but it didn't work out. but one day. who knows.

"you're my deepest blue" - deepest blue (incidentally, i've been wanting to put that lyric up for ages, but haven't known who the song was by, but i found out just tonight, so the prophecy has been fulfilled. if it was a prophecy. which it isn't. it's interesting how the artist goes by the same name as the song. in this case it works quite nicely, but it'd be awkward if britney spears was known as "oops i did it again", or if u2 was known as "stuck in a moment you can't get out of")


Saturday, December 20, 2003

the last few days or so have been a bit weird. let's just say i could have behaved much better. i hate that feeling. it's a mix of regret, guilt and shame. are guilt and shame the same thing? i'm not sure. let's consult the collins pocket reference dictionary shall we:

guilt: fact, state of having done wrong
shame: emotion caused by consciousness of guilt or dishonour in one's conduct or state

there you have it. i love dictionaries.

time for piano...

"open up your eyes...don't let your mind tell the story here...just let me go" - tonic


Friday, December 19, 2003

the parents of the children at work are sometimes even cuter than their kids. because it's the end of the year, they've all left this array of chocolates and gingerbread houses and rocky road and who knows what else for us to eat, along with all their thankyous & merry christmas cards. it is just so nice. i wasn't expecting them to be that generous and give us so much. but then when i thought about it, if i had a kid who went to long day care, i'd be so grateful to the staff and would have to give them a delicious thankyou too. but looking after little tuckers just doesn't feel like work, so that's why it seems so surprising. not that i'm complaining. i think if i ever learn to cook, i'll have to start with the sweet stuff. actually, maybe that's not such a good idea. "hey, what's for dinner?" "um...mudcake?" i may even start to feel guilty about it, who knows. then again, we'll probably STILL have fruit left over to balance it all out.

a good friend of mine is coming back home tonight after being overseas for nearly a year. oh my goodness it will be so good to see her. i've missed her heaps.

last night at a meeting i was somehow labelled as 'tampon girl'. never mind. actually - it's probably best that you do mind, otherwise there could be misunderstandings. i've been allocated the task of contacting some more 'feminine' companies, seeing whether or not they can sponsor us in some way for this event we're putting on, by providing us with freebies that are exclusively girly. hence the name. and that's all. nothing funny.

i'll probably regret writing that last paragraph. but what's life all about if it isn't to embarrass yourself on a web-based public writing facility?

my it's hot. stepping outside it feels as though you've walked infront of a fan-forced heater. but i'd rather this than the other extreme, so i shouldn't complain too much.

i've got a new chord progression but no words that go with it. it's usually the other way around.

"you ask me to enter...but then you make me crawl" - u2


Wednesday, December 17, 2003

just received my 2nd semester uni results, and i'm very happy with them. i still don't really want to go back, but it's nice to know i did well all the same.

next year is meh. i don't have a clue what to do, stu. it's been quite exciting not knowing what's happening, but now it's starting to depress me. and people have been really encouraging, saying things like 'god will make it clear', but to be honest, i'm not sure that's what i want to hear. of course god is at work in the situation, i don't doubt that for a second. he was the one who initiated it in the first place. i guess i just don't really want anymore reassurance that it will all work out, i want to be shown how. maybe i'm just impatient. heck - scrap the 'maybe'.

tonight we had the annual pre-christmas dinner with my aunt and cousin at this club in west ryde. one of the waiters was obviously new, the poor thing seemed really nervous. i realised how much i learnt doing waitressing. just little insignificant things that you don't notice unless you've been taught to. i had a mildly alcoholic drink, just for the novelty of having alcohol in front of my parents really. and i don't mean that in a 'oh my gosh, like, alcohol, like, cool' or a 'i'm legally drinking, bite me' sort of way. not at all. it's just that i hardly ever drink alcohol anyway, i mean hardly ever, so it's amusing to get it while i'm out with my parents, and when they're paying for it. my sister and i had a hilarious game of charades in the car on the way home. i had tears i was laughing so much. that's such a good feeling - just laughing uncontrollably to the point where you're crying and your tummy hurts like crazy and you can hardly breathe. it's the best.

we have so much fruit in the house right now. it's insane. all these people are just giving us fruit. old people, people from church, friends, local funeral directors....they're all leaving fruit at our house, dropping fruit at the church for us to pick up, giving fruit to us in person. i'm not sure why. don't get me wrong - i'm loving it, but it's just a little weird. it might be a wahroonga thing.

"and you can't fight the tears that ain't coming...or the moment of truth in your lies" - goo goo dolls





Tuesday, December 16, 2003

after such a beautiful, refreshing, sunny weekend, i can't quite figure out why i managed to catch a cold. my nose is blocked and no matter how much i try and get rid of what's up there, it just keeps right on being blocked. how annoying.

oh pearl beach was fun. jolly good times were had. except maybe when one of the boys decided to be clever and eat a whole big chunk of raw fish when we were out for dinner, that was not such a jolly good time. i felt jolly sick. we had games of soccer and cricket and taboo and charades and try-to-stay-on-the-hammock-without-somebody-tipping-you-off. we swung on swings, which, incidentally, are terribly underrated. we had a singalong and midnight fishing and scenic explorations and d&m's and lots of laughs and lots of swims and dove caramel chocolate and a spot of turkey-chasing and even went to a church service. we did the typical thing and made a big hole in the sand for no reason. that cacks me up. why is it that when we find ourselves in sandy places we think, 'hey, i know - let's dig a hole'. it's really quite bizarre. we did a pretty good job; a few of us could fit inside and it looked quite neat. we just had to be careful that night when we went for our late evening beach walk. beaches at night are the coolest things. especially on more remote beaches that don't have ritzy apartments and street lights nearby. they're so dark and you just rely on starlight. or moonlight? either way, it's awesome.

always get inspired on times away like that. i wrote a fair bit. people were coming and going a bit over the few days. that was kinda nice as you got to spend time with different people, but it was also sad saying goodbye to people who were leaving even though you'd see them again the next week. holidays, no matter how short, are a whole different world, and saying goodbye to people was like farewelling them away from that world. that's all very dramatic, but it's kinda how it feels. i was among the last 7, the other 6 of which were all going home the next morning. i was ridiculously sad to leave. but i got a lovely big goodbye, complete with moonies from a couple of the guys as i was driving off. i felt very special.

today helped with some painting at my old church. i like painting. it's fun. painting a room in a new apartment/house and getting into a huge paint fight with a good friend is up there on my 'to do in this lifetime' list. so is seeing a musical on broadway or the west end. that would be amazing. just thinking about it makes me excited. i just hope i wouldn't be so emotional that i couldn't actually take in the show. there's other things on that list too. i think. i'm sure there would be if i really thought about it, which i'm too tired to do just now. slept 12 hours last night. really needed it, and could still do with so much more.

'they're all liars in the back room...watch them all go down...they can tell you what you want to hear...but they will never stick around" - pete yorn



Friday, December 12, 2003

i'm off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of oz...

well, not really. i'm going to pearl beach instead. there may or may not be a wizard there, i'm not sure. either way i'm sure we'll have a good time. hoorah for little getaways with wonderful people.

"fa la la la la...la la la la" - traditional

Thursday, December 11, 2003

this year for the first time ever, we have christmas lights outside. my sister and i had a lot of fun putting them up. it's good how the most basic tasks can be so much fun with the right people.

was genuinely scared out of my wits today. was getting a lift home with some friends, and somehow we went through a red light, cruising right into traffic that was entering the road. it was so scary. there so could have (even should have) been a crash, but nobody was hit, thankfully.

earlier on when we were at the beach, we made the usual point of finding somebody that one of us knew. it just always seems to be the case that you see someone you know at the beach. and indeed we did. 6, to be exact. the girl i knew had been to my highschool for a year or two, but i've never really got to know her very well. i saw her as we were walking to our towels; she was sitting down a few meters away. i didn't say anything but was quite excited that i'd found my i-know-them person for the day. she ended up saying hi to me later on, which took me by suprise as i'd always assumed she was really cool and thought i was a bit of a dag, quite rightly. anyway, was nice to see her and have a little chat. i think i make too many assumptions.

today was a good mail day. i LOVE getting mail. in the post for me was:
- a letter from a college telling me some things
- a package from another college with lots of glossy pieces of paper in it
- a birthday card from some relatives. it's a couple of months late, but it's the 'happy 18th' that worried me more. that's the second bizarre birthday card i've got this year. weird. i dont particularly mind though. it's nice that they sent one anyway.
- a big fat package from this eccentric man who we all call 'uncle allan' but who isn't actually anybody's uncle (although i think his name is in fact allan). he knew my mum and her sisters when they were all teenagers; i don't think they were ever particularly close but he's kept in touch with them over the years. i feel quite sorry for him, i don't think he has many friends, but it's quite sweet how he always sends us christmas cards and all that, even though we hardly know him. i'm sure he's very sincere and lovely and endearing, but the fact is he's also just a little bit strange. anyway, he sent me a few display folders and foolscap dividers. i'm sure they'll come in handy for something, but i do wonder what it was that prompted him to send stationary to his sort-of-niece who he met once about 6 years ago. oh well. i'm just lucky i guess.

this house in fun to live in. aside from having christmas lights outside, we also get to have these great little conversations with people who don't speak english. they ring up all the time, asking for somebody with a name i don't register (at least i assume they're asking for someone...they might just be calling to tell us that we're all sillyheads or something...and to laugh at us because we can't understand what they're saying...i guess we'll never know), and i always just try and explain in the simplest english that they no here and they different number. i cherish those phone calls.

"every time she sneezes i beleive it's love...and oh lord...i'm not ready for this sort of thing" - counting crows

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

although the song is always crap, britney spears video clips are worth watching just for the dance. at least i think so. apart from some of the look-at-me-you-know-you-want-me-i'm-such-a-sexy-tiger moves, a lot of it is really really good. the group stuff is always so tight, it looks great.

R.E.M's 'a bad day' clip is mad too. it's done as a news show, with the presenters all miming the words that are being sung, as if they were a news report. very clever, very amusing.

how cool would it be to be a make-up artist.

"see them running...away they go...my dreams escaping reality"

Sunday, December 07, 2003

thursday was fun. my mum and i went into chatswood to meet my sister during her lunch break. we got to see the place she works in, it's very suave. we had a delicious lunch and possibly the best milkshake i've ever had, then my sister went back to work and mum and i went shopping. before this year, i've never really been much of a shopping person. i never really got into it. but now, for the first time in my life, i think i may have a shopping problem. it's not good at all. hmmm. after a while mum went home, but i waited around for my sister to finish work so we could go home together. we met at a formal shop, and i got to try on lots of pretty dresses. i felt like a princess. then we went and sampled just about all the samples in The Body Shop. twas fun. i like my sister lots.

later that evening, a few of us went to belrose to do some hole-punching. for the record, i am Miss Hole-Puncher 2003, and i would not be at all surprised if i retained the title next year. after hole-punching, we went on an adventure. ended up in manly. manly is one of those places that i love and hate at the same time. not sure why. i don't hate it, that's an exaggeration. but it sometimes just has this bitter-sweetness about it. can't explain. but it does have good ice cream. we sat around near where the turtles hang out, and had some good laughs, some good "hello"s from drunk people, and some good chats about boxers (shorts, not the dogs).

had to work early the next morning. i ended up working a 10 1/2 hr shift, which was tiring, but fun. an good friend who i don't get to see very much was waiting for me when i got home, which was a nice surprise. we had a good chat, with my new radiohead cd as the soundtrack. i wanted to get one of their older albums, and i'm quite happy with it. some *****# (Y#@ ohhhh i just had a major nose-bleed scare...as in i so felt like one was coming, but it didn't....phew*** anyway - the cd - like it. after my friend hopped off home, i went and met a couple of friends from school up at newport. on the way there i stopped to get petrol, and the service guy was sooo stressed out. it was almost funny, but also not, because he may have been stressed out about something serious. but oh it was funny. he wasn't really angry, but he was uptight and worried and just having a huge flip. i tried to be a very manageable customer. and i bought him a chocolate bar. poor thing, maybe he'd had a rough day. i hope he isn't stressed out anymore. anyway, got to the place in newport. twas very nice. it was supposed to be with our yr12 music class (all 4 of us, plus our teacher, who is quite young and she doesn't seem like a teacher), but 2 cancelled last minute, so there was only 3 of us. was still really good - great to catch up and chat about stuff. we even got those electronic things that you take to your table, that beep when your food is ready so you can go and pick it up. hours of fun. simple things...

today, a guy from church called to let me know he was having a bbq, and that i could drop by anytime. i thought "oh how nice is that" but was still a bit worried about going as i wasn't sure i'd know anybody. but i'm so glad i went. i knew him (obviously), his girlfriend (who is such a cack), and another guy, and the people i didn't know were all lovely. and there was even a dog there. this huge golden retreiver called Henderson (named after brian henderson, if you must know). absolutely gorgeous. i love big dogs. came home and helped tidy up and set up the house for the big dinner we had on tonight. that went really well. lots of people. lots and lots of food. i love having big gatherings at our place. we don't have them often, but they're so much fun. obviously, the hanging out with people and the mingling is a lot of fun, but i actually really like the tidying up beforehand and the washing up during and the cleaning up after. i like having jobs to do. and it's not like i ever miss out on talking to people, it's just that i'm sometimes doing something else at the same time. it's really cool seeing people enjoy something you've helped create.

"don't hold your love over my head" - john mayer



Tuesday, December 02, 2003

who just got their green P's/class P2/not-a-girl-not-yet-a-woman driver's license/??? i did!! yay team. the RTA officers looking after me were so lovely. i'm always a bit scared going into places like that. everything is so official and strict, and i seem to assume that all the people there will be official and strict too. and they have to be, to an extent, but they're actually quite nice and relaxed once you get talking to them. taking a ticket and waiting for your number to be called can be exciting too. it's beyond me how number 29 can be called after number 348, but i'm sure it makes sense to somebody. after i'd done the test and was waiting to be attended to (i was told to wait - i wasn't just being lazy), i played on my swivel chair. swivel chairs bring consistent fun and amusement to any situation. when i found out i passed i was very excited. a few jokes were exchanged about the computer making a mistake as i wasn't actually competent. then i payed the rather large sum of money and got the photo taken. oh! getting the photo taken. that's the funniest thing ever. there i am, sitting down looking straight ahead at this crazy picture that i'm supposed to be looking at, and then the man calls out, "smile!", so i do, and he says, "no! not like that. you look like my 10 year old niece. smile like a big girl!" i tried my best to smile like a big girl, but naturally, it's a shocker of a photo. anyway, the whole experience was a pleasant one.

after i got the license, i went and bought some chocolate to celebrate. not that buying chocolate has ever needed or will ever need a reason, but sometimes it's nice to have one. i bought a block of cadbury hazlenut, with a picture of Merry (from 'lord of the rings') on the front. i often go for the packs that have the extra bits and pieces on them, like photos or competition details. except if it's anything to do with playstation or xbox or the like; i have a strange aversion to electronic games like that. but Merry from the Shire, well - that's obviously another story.

tonight i have to go into my highschool, which will be a bit strange. i'm getting some random award at their speech night; they always give out a few awards to the previous year 12 based on their HSC results (speech night happens before hsc results are released, so they have to do it a year late). which is hilarious, because i really didn't do all that well in my HSC. i mean i did fine, but it wasn't anything close to being special. but whatever floats their boat.

"miles away...there's hopeless smiles brighter than mine...and i need for you to come and go...without the truth falling out" - silverchair


Monday, December 01, 2003

how cool are cicadas.

i'd just about given up on a couple of my possible plans for next year, and i got home this afternoon to get a phone message telling me that i had an interview at one place, and a letter from another place telling me i had an interview there as well, on the same day. brilliant! god is funny.

"i've found a long way back to sanity again...though i don't really know what i'm gonna do when i get there" - lifehouse