marmalade dreaming

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

the plan tonight was to stay home so i get my assignment done. somehow i'm doubting that's going to happen. there's already enough running through my head right now. no room for anything even mildly academic.

bought a new cd case. my old one has been flipping out lately. i've been cramming too many cds into it's modest capacity for months now and it's starting to show. this one fits more cds, which is always good as i can never ever decide what music i want, so i end up wanting to take everything, just in case (in "case"!! get it?! hmmm). there's nothing worse (well, there's actually lots of things that are heaps worse...that was just a dramatic exaggeration) than being in the mood for a particular song or cd or genre and not having it available. that drives me pistachios.

also bought this stuff that supposedly gets rid of cd scratches. i'm quite sceptical (say that word again...sceptical...and again...scep-ti-cal....skep....tickle......isn't it bizarre?). who knows why i bought it. actually, i do. the guy was really nice and helpful and he convinced me. sad huh. ah well. it was cheap (all the more reason to be skeptickle) and who knows, maybe i've just contributed to him getting 'salesman of the month' or something. still, my damaged cd is upstairs as we speak/write/read and in just a few moments i will venture up there and see if it's still jumping. i can hardly contain my excitement. and i bet you can't contain your's either.

this morning we had a post-soul-survivor-thankyou-brunch-picnic-chat-frolick up at the site. it was a tad strange being up there again. we played volleyball. sport and i don't always get along brilliantly but we were friends again today. it was good fun.

it's only 3 weeks till my big sister gets married. what a spin out. thats 3 more weeks till she makes a life-long committment to this guy she's in love with. 21 days till she starts wearing another ring on her finger and aquires a hyphened surname. 504 hours till she moves out and interstate. it all hit me again today. her fiance is up here for a few days so we've been able to hang out a bit. he's such a champion - i couldn't be happier about the two of them. but it's still all so weird. there's a lot of excitement and sadness to come. there's also 30240 minutes for me to perfect this stilleto business...

"you're the winner inside of me...but i'm the runner-up inside of you" - or something like that. i mean the lyric goes something like that, not a band called 'or something like that'. but that could be cool too. anyway, i heard it ages ago. can't remember who the artist is either. you'll just have to use your imagination.

Monday, May 10, 2004

frustrated: to cause feelings of discouragement or bafflement in

maybe everything has been done before. every emotion felt, evert hurt cried, every question asked, every song inspired. that rhymes.

"hearts bending now will break...your light shattering my calm...a life sentence in your arms" - epicure

Sunday, May 09, 2004

happy mothers day :)

pearl beach rocks. a bunch of us went up again on friday night and had a super time giggling, chatting, being silly, eating, and very late-night beach walking. twas jolly good. except when, as we were walking onto the moonlit beach, i mistook a big patch of water for just some more sand, and walked shin-deep into it in my jeans and uggies. nice one. how can anybody not love the beach at night. it's so cool...the way it's so dark yet it also kinda glowing...and the way the waves sparkle and the whitewash is almost fluorescent. sigh. i tried to start a game of duck-duck-goose but was shunned. maybe next time. on the way back to the house we pondered on the fact that so many guys don't know how to skip (although one that did know demonstrated in good form). cards were brought out, as they so often do on these sorts of occasions. got taught how to play this game...there was dispute over whether it was trumps or hearts...but either way it provided some good laughs. i actually understood, and even kicked ass in the first round (though that's where my victorious streak ended). yay team. it's cool that when you're with a good bunch of people, you can have such a good time without things you're used to relying on. it's a bit pathetic how much we're used to using things like the tv, phone, and computer to fill our time with. but then here we were in pearl beach, with no tv on, no phone, no computer, heck, we didn't even have a cd player. yet we were having so much fun. anyway, went to bed eventually and talked about decision-making. it's funny how the early hours of the morning either bring total stupidity or profound depth. maybe it's a combination of the two. we woke up to a beautiful day, went up to the shops in our pyjamas to get milk, and had breakfast. how good is breakfast. then it was off to another beach for a lovely morning of sun, surf and sand. i got to carry one of the boards down onto the beach and felt like a real surfie chick, which is fun when you don't actually surf. jogging on the beach is quality. see maybe if i lived opposite a beach, i'd actually do more exercise. who knows. more interesting conversation followed but it will sound too weird if i write it down. we went to subway for lunch. i can now handle a whole foot-long sub which is very exciting. then it was time for me and a friend to go home.

i had to get back for my sister's bridal shower. instead of the conventional 'kitchen tea', she wanted a 'costume tea'...partly coz her and her fiance already have a lot of kitchen stuff, and partly coz...well why not, really. why leave sydney with tupperware when you can take your own dress-up wardrobe instead. it was pretty funny...people brought along some great stuff, including a brilliantly disgusting silver retro unitard/pants-suit thing, a fur shawl, an assortment of tacky snakeskin tops, platforms, a gorgeous black velvet and green mini can-can dress, and heaps more. what fun.

saw 'van helsing' (spelling??). nothing special, dragged on a bit, unclear as to what was supposed to be happening at times, but still a bit of fun i thought. i liked the gothic old-school scary flick elements...dracula and werewolves and castles and gargoyles and the like. it's kinda scary in this cosy kinda way. even scarier was the corset kate beckinsale was wearing. she's either got a waist the width of a milo tin or just has incredible suck-in skills. not only was she managing to inhale and exhale in this cruel piece of clothing, but she was also running around fighting vampires and rescuing cursed family members. impressive.

last night went into newtown with some girls to see a band. the venue was nice and cosy, the music was very special and excellent...all in all a most enjoyable evening. gellato is fast becoming a post-live-music tradition. i was very lucky and even scored a free one last night. nice!

off to a meeting now...we're discussing our next show! i'm excited australia.

"when you stop seeing beauty you start growing old" - u2

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

the moon was sensational again tonight.

on a less amazing note, i've had 2 nosebleeds in the last 24 hours.

"maybe its a dream and if i scream it will burst at the seams...this whole place will fall to pieces" -jack johnson

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

did anyone see the moon just before sunset? amazing. it was like this massive out-of-place ghost peeking over the horizon. at least from where i was standing.

"jewel box of sadness...bring to catch your tear...crystalize illusion shine...forgot i'm here" - jeff buckley

Monday, May 03, 2004

it's freezing. but typing in gloves isn't as difficult as i thought it would be.

though i'm still convinced that heels are from the devil (ie they can look appealling but really just cause pain), i just bought my first pair of stilletos. i had to get them for the wedding. although i'd live in flipflops if i could, it's actually kind of exciting to own some proper 'big girl' shoes. i've been walking/clunking around the house in them ever since, hoping to master the art well before the wedding so i don't have to worry about stacking it in front of everybody. i'm learning that it's difficult to be secretive in stilletos. people can hear you walking from a mile off. they also force you to walk in this unnatural's to do with when your leg bends and how you have to stand to keep balance and all that. who said being a girl wasn't fun?

"sanity is what happens when you're not being crazy". hmmm.

the other night a friend and i scored free tickets to the theatre. couldn't have been happier. i think we were the youngest people there but we had a blast. included in the frivolity was 'the leg rub'. it orginated at the camp i led on earlier this year, and it involves stroking someone's leg (either with your hand or your foot...and it can be either a guy or a girl...though it's probably funniest when a guy does it to another guy), and then laughing at their reaction. it's probably not wise to do it to strangers, unless you're extremely confident and have a quick getaway, but to friends that aren't expecting it, it can be hilarious. try it next time you're sitting down watching something or listening to someone. keep your eyes forward and act normal...and go in for the kill. once a bunch of you are aware of the game, you can try catching eachother unawares whenever you like. it's fun - honest! anyway, since there was no club chocolate, we got chunky kitkats instead. it's amazing how much difference that extra layer of chocolate makes to the kitkat experience. the play was great and the theatre was swell. we actually went to the wrong place at first, but found our way to the new location in perfect timing - i think we were the last people to sit in our seats. this particular friend and i are making quite the team when it comes to navigating around the city, as we've discovered in recent weeks. she drives, and manages to squeeze (and sweetly smile) her way in and out of all sorts of motorised mess that i'd just freak out with, and i follow the street directory and read the street signs that she can't. we still get stuck and lost frequently, but we always have fun in the process, and that's what matters. actually, while we were still in our local area, we nearly ran over this possum (well, we did run over it, but we didn't actually hit must have ducked and then scampered off to shock therapy). this isn't meant to sound cruel, but it was the funniest thing. not coz we nearly killed a possum, but just our reaction. as it came into the view of the headlights we both just really fully horror movie screamed, slammed on the breaks and just stopped there in the middle of the road, still screaming but also laughing so much that we were shaking and gasping for breath. haven't laughed that much in a while. it was hilarious. i'm not sure what made us react in such a way; it was as if the possum was a sixfoot killing machine that was out to eat us. oh would have been well funny to watch.

went shopping and got some winter clothes, finally. i think i'd been avoiding buying warm stuff as a bit of a protest, denying the fact that it's getting cooler by not buying clothes that suggest that. but i went, i bought, and i even managed to resist the lure of the music stores. shake it!

i had my first manual-driving lesson! it was well funny. i was ready to give up numerous times...think i'm still tempted but we'll see how we go. i'm yet to be persuaded that manual driving is 'heaps more fun'. the friend who was teaching me had a jolly good laugh at my expense. that seems to be happening a lot lately...but i guess it's a good thing to put a smile on someone's face, even if it is because you're making a wally of yourself. i just hope they'll return the favour one day.

we all got given a cd with hundreds of photos from soul on it. oh, the memories. sigh.

on anzac day we did a mini show at a couple of community events. at one of them, a few of the girls had a super quick change, so i was asked to talk for a bit on stage, a bit of a promo or whatever, to give them more time. i quite like doing that sort of thing, but i always finish up not having a clue what the heck i just said. i think i just babble...about nothing in particular...but maybe with a tone of voice that suggests i actually know what i'm talking about. very sneaky. although you can usually count on home crowds to love you, i think in these sort of situations i prefer performing in front of people i'm not connected with. if it's a character piece, you can just be that character, totally unrelated to whoever else you are to these people. and with general performance stuff, you can just offer them what you've got without any expectations or previous experiences lingering around. i think i often give it more when it's people i don't know. that was definitely true on that day, where the first festival was local for us and the second one wasn't, and that second one went so much better for me. but unfamiliar audiences also make me heaps more nervous. the freak out factor is still such an issue. sometimes all it needs is some reassurance before the show and some space after, but other times it's more full-on, and it's always such an emotional pain in the arse. i wonder if i'll ever get over it?

my sister was just getting something from the drawer nest to the computer, and accidentally hit my shin in the process. we launched into a melodrama (as is normal around here) and i asked her to kiss my shin better. she went to do so, and then proceeded to deposit some saliva on my leg instead. we have a very special relationship.

"staying awake to chase a dream...i know i won't forget a thing...watching the fantasies decay...nothing will ever stay the same" - muse